Christmas eve has past and I got a lot of nice things, candles, waffleiron, candy, money, and a lot of other stuff.. Today I'm in a sketching mood but it dosen't work out like it's supposed to so I believe I'll give up soon and start up again another day.. I'm a little bit tired, and I have a real hard time sleeping at night.. My twinbrother is visiting us today and the two of them have been playing videogames for hours.. I don't know if they'll give up before they've finished off the game, we'll see.. I'm restless and I know that when I'm in this mood there's no point in continue to draw because it'll end up in a disappointed and angry me.. So maybe I'll just lay on the sofa for a while and watch the two of them continue the game, just relax a while! 

I remember that as late as last spring I could catch myself thinking "God, what a boring life I have, I haven't done anything!" But now when I think back of my almost 20 years alive I've spent them in a way that many can't. I've done a lot of things, I've travled, I've had and I still have great friends and I've also lost some of my greatest. I've been abroad several times and I've spent my time exactly how I've wanted. I'm almost 20 years old and I have a great boyfriend, and a baby on the way. A baby that'll arrive any day now, due date was today so hopefully I'll hold a little baby in my arms in a few days. It's almost christmas eve, one of my favourite holidays. My life so far has been better than I thought it would have been. From time to time I make a scrapbook about different things in my life and looking in them, looking back at these old pictures brings so many memories so many feelings and I can't do anything but smile and maybe shed a tear or two of happiness. I miss a lot of it and some things will never be the same. But I'm blessed I really feel that I am and I will stop complaining. I will always bring the memories with me and never forget. A life is most often devided into different chapters, and a few of them have passed but there are still many to get to and go through.

Do what you want when you can because living with regret is one of the worst feelings ever. I just needed to get this out, to write it down...

It's wednesday today.. God, the due date is friday THIS week, only TWO days away.. I hope the little one will come out soon but right now that feels like wishfull thinking. My stomach hurts and my lower back hurts, feels like I'm having my period all over again but without the blood. Hopefully that's a good sign and hopefully the little one will take it's pretty little face and show it to the world. I want my baby now. I'm sick of being pregnant, being fat all the time.. I know I'm complaining but come on it's almost christmas eve and I do NOT want it to be born on one of the biggest holidays of the year. I feel sorry for the little one arraving so close to it and it would be horrible to be born on that particular day. Come on baby, not christmas eve not christmas eve. Going to visit my mum and aunt today in lack of anything else to do.

Hugs and kisses readers I need to get to the train! 

Well now it's only nine days left 'til due date. The days are flying by but at the same time it's passing really slowly. I don't know what to do with my time so most of my days results in movie watching and just waiting for people to get home from work.. Today I went up early which resulted in two movies, and some christmasfun. I was thinking about baking some gingerbreads but I really don't feel like it anymore so my second plan is visiting my mother.. I need a plan. I need something to do. Sure I can clean and I can do the dishes and the laundry but that's no fun. And I have actually done some laundry just because it was well needed. If I'm going to my mom's I need to leave for the train in a minute or two.. The decisions are many and I'm babbling on about nothing.. 

This was me exactly one week ago.. 

You know that feeling when you hear a song on the radio and immediatly think back of something that happened, or a time in your life when you listened a lot to that song in particular?! Well while normal people connects memories with music I have a lot of food related memories. When I see or think about a person or that food in particular my mind takes me back to hidden memories that I most often do not think about at all.. A few examples is pringles and coca cola, that combination in particular makes me think of an old best friend, Emelie, she was one of the closest friends I've ever had or maybe she still is the closest friend I've ever had. Back when we were in high school we always went to our favourite supermarket and bought pringles and coca cola, we had one special day each week but sometimes we went more than one time/week.
Then I have chickensalad, that's connected to my friend Linda, one of my closest friends nowadays. 

There's two examples.. I have songs that I relate to different things too but that wasn't the point right now. 

I'm meeting up with Linda later today and I miss her, really miss her. We haven't had time to get together in ages. But it kinda feels like she's been pushing me away, it's probably just a feeling but I don't know it feels like it. Just because I'm having a baby she believes I won't have time for my friends anymore. I'm not worried about it, I mean the baby has a dad too. I'm not all alone in this, so I don't really see the problem. 

I miss school, not the homeworks nor the exams just the time between classes, where you could just sit and chat with your friends, draw, read a book, all that. Now when everyone's working all the time it feels like no one ever have any time left for a sociallife. When I was working all the time I didn't think of it this way, but now when it's the other way around when everyone else is working but me I feel lonley. I don't know what to do with my time. I need to get a hobby. The time in school was so easy, you could skip class and hang out with your friends and no one really cared. When work came into the mix you have to show up or you'll get fired, when you've been working all day you're not really up for anything when you get home. You have to cook and clean and you just don't have time. It's sad really, I hope I won't loose touch with my friends becuase if I do I don't know how I'll handle it, I'll go into depression or something. I need my friends, I can't cope without them and that's that.

Before life became complicated

This year has past so quickly, almost too quickly. I graduated, I'm becoming a mom, I've been working my ass off and I haven't had enough time to see my friends. Everyone's got their own job to go to everyday and it's hard to find time for eachother. It's sad, I feel like I'm growing up, and I don't like it not really. Everything changed so quickly. I've moved out of my mom's and that is awesome.. But seriously where did this autum go? It's almost december. It's ONE month 'til christmas eve, this is so sick. It's one month and two days left to the due date. The kicking little basterd in my stomach who I love deeply. I'm preparing to get my driver's license and it's going great. I can't believe I'm giving birth to a little tiny human being in four weeks. It's so sick. I've been through a lot this year and when you think of it, god, how i've changed this past year..

This is me exactly four weeks ago! 

I miss a lot of things. In the last text I told you all how happy I am and I still am, but despite the hapiness there's sadness. Sadness of missing a lot of things. I miss going to gigs with my best friend to see our favourite band, we went almost once a month and it's been an adventure. An adventure with a lot of memories left behind, hours on trains and busses we've had a blast, so much laughter. I'm always going to miss it and remember it. But a new chapter is beginning, she is getting married in march and I'm having a baby and starting a family. We don't have time to make all of our spontaneous trips anymore, we need to get home and we can't go across the country just becuase we want to. I'm always going to miss that but I have all their albums so I can listen to them over and over and look at all of the hundred pictures we've taken through our journey. But something new and exciting is happening, I'm going to become a parent, who new. Me at 19 years old, almost 20 though. This scary huge thing is sneaking up on me and the closer I get to the birthdate the clearer it gets that this is really happening. I still feel so damn young, I don't feel like a grownup yet and all of a sudden I have to become one. I know it's my choice and everything but it's still scary and exciting.

Here's a picture of nephew when he's only one week old, he's three weeks old now but I don't have and more recent pictures on my computer than this.

This little fellow has shown me that babies aren't that scary, and I love him, my nephew little baby Teodor. <3

The roast is almost done in the oven and so are the potatoes and carrots, thinking about making a gravy too but I don't know if it's really necessary. I'm feeling better now, much better. Yesterday I went shopping with my mom, and it was fun. I got some new teacups and a couple of glasses and a few other stuff. Today we painted the celing in the basement, prapering the new entrence, it's turning out great. We just need to get the floor fixed, the walls painted and then there's the furniture which we don't own yet. I'm happy, really happy right now. I have a great boyfriend, a kid on the way, enough savings to get by when I'm a stay at home mom and everything feels great. We've already bought a stroller, a car set, some neutral clothes and a bed for the baby. Happy is what I am right now, just the perfect kind of happy.