Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, slowly.. And then repeat. I'm in a really bad mood today, and on top of everythingnI have to go to work pretend I'm happy, put a smile on my face and look happy. It sucks. Don't ask me why I'm pissed, it's just one of those days you know, one of those days when you just feel angry without any particular reason. I feel like I'm gonna snap at everyone and feel like just going home and sleep it off, wake up tomorrow and be happy. But I have to work, I have that responsibility. Gladly schools almost finished for the day and tomorrow I'm off. Yay.

My life can just go and fuck itself, I don't want this anymore, why can't I just be normal? Well I guess normal is the wrong definition because who is really normal? Anyway, why did I get all these problems, astma, sensitive to cold weather, alergic to pollen, nuts, almonds, wheat, animals with fur, sensitive to chlor, and I probably forgot something.... I want to be able to go for a run once in a while, but I can't and it sucks! I love it so much, and all of these problems stop me. I hate it, hate it so much. I love working out but with all of this going against me it's hard to keep the spirit up, it's hard to try when it feels like everything's against you. And it's things I can't change, things I'm unable to do anything about. And when I finally think it can't get any worse of course it does. I know there are people out there having worse problems in life than me, but I'm not saying they can't complain about it. I'm complaining about something I hate, and it's not to get attention, it's jut to get it out of my head.. At least I'm able to go to the gym and workout, but there's nothing better than being outside in a weather kinda like today, a little chilly but yet warm somehow, feeling the wind in your hair and hear the music pumping through ypur mind and just stop thinking, get away, get out, and just run. And I can't.

Tuesday... WOHOOOOOOOOO! Going shopping with Fanny after school, not that I have a lot of money right now but anyway, it's gonna be awesome. And I ordered my laptop today so I'm getting it next week. The week after that I get my first salary, can't wait. gonna save at least 4/5 of it. I've gotten a schedule for Easterbreak, don't know if I'm going to work all of those days, but at least a few. Hopefully I'll make plans with Linda, but we'll see. And then on wednesday we're going to the movies, wohoo, don't know what movie we'll watch but hopefully something good. I love wednesdays, gymclass, danceclass, and on top of it cinemaaaaa, can't get much better. 

Candy, candy, I want candy, chocolate, cafe latte cappuccino, pizza, cookies, ooooh i'm kinda hungry. Ciao don't have anything to say. bleeh. 

And that's the way I roll, hell yeaaaah 

Tuesday... WOHOOOOOOOOO! Going shopping with Fanny after school, not that I have a lot of money right now but anyway, it's gonna be awesome. And I ordered my laptop today so I'm getting it next week. The week after that I get my first salary, can't wait. gonna save at least 4/5 of it. I've gotten a schedule for Easterbreak, don't know if I'm going to work all of those days, but at least a few. Hopefully I'll make plans with Linda, but we'll see. And then on wednesday we're going to the movies, wohoo, don't know what movie we'll watch but hopefully something good. I love wednesdays, gymclass, danceclass, and on top of it cinemaaaaa, can't get much better. 

Candy, candy, I want candy, chocolate, cafe latte cappuccino, pizza, cookies, ooooh i'm kinda hungry. Ciao don't have anything to say. bleeh. 

And that's the way I roll, hell yeaaaah 

Have a lot of work this week, which means not very much free time, leaving home before 7 AM and getting home around 9.30 PM. Long days, and on top of that I have assignments to finish. Bleeh. 

Hahah Fanny and I made a baking video thing and put on youtube a little less than a year ago. And we watched it yesterday, hahah it's awesome, and so sooo lame. hahah.

How this this happen? How did I go from having loads and loads of free time to having none at all? I have plans almost all the time, I have have to start writing a schedule. I have school five days a week and then I have work which can shift from 3-5 times a week too. And then I have to find time to finish school assignments AND still get time to hang out with friends. I won't let all of this kill my social life, never. Though it's taking it's toll on my workouts. That's why it's great that I have one gym pass/ week and three dance classes. Yesterday was a nice day, met up with Linda, Tobbe and Fanny and went out for pizza. Finally I got my pizza, looooove. Then Fanny and I left to go to my place. We talked a lot, or at least I did, when I start it's hard to get me to shut up hehe. Watched the Lion King twice, once with Fanny and once by myself. Right now I'm waiting for my first class to begin, and I'm so tired I fell sick. I need to eat right and start to get everything together if I'm going to be able to keep this up, the work, school, and friends I mean, I have to be able to balance everything. And I will.

Surprise surprise, I'm depressed again. Of course I don't want anyone to see it so I suffer throguh way to long nights crying ove nothng really, Holly's by my side. I don't understand when I got so sensetive, seriously it feels like I cry all the time, I don't, but it feels like it.We once said that it would be us against the world, what both of didn't think of then is that people grow up and people grow apart. Right now we barely speak, and I'm not blaming anyonr really. It's just that I can't keep up with this one way thing. If you don't care anymore then fine, but once we meant a lot to eachother, you still do to me, but aparently you don't feel the same anymore so I'm giving up. I have to move on too, and stop trying to live in what has been. Almost started crying twice on the bus to school, and once when I changed bus. And now while I'm writing this. Well tears won't fix anything, I know that. And of course I can't cry when I have people around me, I'm glad of that. I just can't take this anymore, once I seriously needed you to survive, now I'm tryng to find other ways. Hopefully someday soon I'll find something worth being happy for again, another ou. Though I know it's not possible, you're always gonna be in my heart, I just have to get you faaar back and place other things in front of you, the pain is too big.